The rebellions are taking their toll

Popping up in crooks and crannies and hitting like lightning

It’s peace then all of a sudden it’s a disaster
This kingdom has been in peace for far too long

I’m going to war

Destroying myself my enemies
Tearing down all my bad and rebuilding to be stronger

It’s always in the wake of darkness

That the light shines

From hardship, I become stronger

Casting out my own demons

And tuning in to my angels

Following the light 

Within

Waltzing through life and I’m leading

A bleakness follows as I walk

Ahead, desperately trying to avoid the wrath of the darkness

Yet I reach a pond

Where no creature dwells

In a dark cave, my footsteps echo into eternity

Downward I gaze into the tranquil waters

Back at me stares a muddled picture of colors,

Akin to my own face

This writing appears to be in a straight line

But crazily bounces from one edge to another

Scribble-scrabbling as I seek my meaning 

With grace, I breathe in

Calming the boggle to a standstill

Inhaling the essence around my body inside

Absorbing it to become at peace

As I exhale, my stress, my darkness fades away

My burden eases off

And replaced by pure air

I feel light like I’m floating on a cloud

A ripple of ease makes its way through a body

My mouth is hungry

Although I am not hungry 

It salivates at the mere thought

Of meat

It tingles with desire

And a single touch is all needed for it to lust for such things

My fear is that this mouth runs free

It overtakes me, the owner

And I am consumed by my own hunger

This poem’s only 7 minutes just because

And so this flower blooms

As I set out to first find myself

And become the best version of myself

Partly inspired by the universe

Something is pulling me

For far too long I’ve been unhappy with the life I’ve lived

The butterfly emerges

In my cocoon I’ve hid from myself

I hated my anxious myself

I’d attempt to rationalize what I did, as if it was all crimes

And now I set out

One foot in front of another I go

Have I emerged from the valley?

I leave the darkness behind me?

The fallen souls trying to grasp me and pull me back in.

Steadfast I walk forward

Behind me I leave the evil, and in front of me

I follow the beacon of light

Rather than hiding from the world

In the darkness

I step out and become one with it

This newfound energy vibrates within

Excitedly seeking an outlet-in action

Hard is the way to go

I won’t take it easy until I die

A fire’s been sparked

17 years old in November 2019

My journey starts now

Into nothingness I venture

Starting from my roots

Growing a great oak

Writing this indefinitely feels like a pain

An urge demands attention down there

Just carried out my carnal desires and within me

Only content and gluttony remain

Darkness threatens me at every corner

It’s there, waiting for me to let my guard down

And consume me, forcing me into a cage of unconsciousness

It basically killed me

All my energy expended and now I just feel like a tired boy

I often find myself creating up elaborate caveats

But then so I come upon the question

Why not live beautifully until the end?

As said by the white-haired guy Gintoki himself

And so I strive to create a beautiful piece of art

With my actions being the paintbrush

Creating elaborate strokes of color on the canvas of life

Energy is what drives me

While it’s part mentality

The recharge comes from every night

In my slumbers the elves slowly refill the gases

But it takes time

So now I seek to place importance on this pitstop

Keep on groovin’

Keep on grindin’

It’s really not too much 

To ask of myself

And so time passes

Each second accompanied by the typing on these keys

However overall muted by Michael Jackson

Singing “you’re a vegetable”

Time is the only caveat on my life

So so I continue

To use up this life force until I can’t

Doing

Rather than basking in a perpetual state

Of darkness, scared of the light

Scared of myself

Scared of something

To write or not to write

To exist or to not exist

To live or not to live

That is the question

Realization of the futility of things,

And Mortality it seems,

Have been my catalyst in my progression

To act is to live

And to escape the hell of doing nothing, being nothing

Although we are created nothing,

Something can be created from nothing

My creed is to not erase

Self doubt reigns as I write this

And so henceforth I charge

Into the depths of this white madness

Creating something in this white blank storm

No going back I say

But I look back and I can’t see anything ahead of me

Time is ticking as specks of snow rapidly swirl around me
And I grasp any thing of form

But all I feel is air

Perhaps it’s not external

It’s internal

Where can I find myself

What will be my light to illuminate the darkness

Is it ironic that I myself am the light

Or that I am the only key fitting the lock

And when I open the door what will I find

Something of imaginable proportions of darkness, a monster

Or perhaps light

But I think what’s real

Is simply what I see with my two eyes

How it is, with its flaws and virtues

That’s me

Any way the wind blows

Nothing really matters to me

Henceforth

I’m living life through my two eyes, like a first person adventure game

Modern skyrim essentially

And to keep leveling up through the journey 

10/10 baby

A droopiness reigns on my eyelids

As I finally start writing this

It’s post eating a warm meal

And this laziness is always the affliction that arises

Within me remains

The regret of not acting truly to my desires

Not shooting my shot

Alas I’ve realized

That I ought to find myself

And be strong in it

Zaserazzzzz

Blank mind, blank heart

What legacy have i left

Influence sweeping from player to player

Generation to generation

My only hope, that I left it better than I found it

Water polo a sport I love

Desire to sleep slowly consumes me

Threatens my attention

I slip every so slowly into the dream state

Now

What a concept

Now as I type out this poem on this black keyboard

The click clack barely audible through the mario galaxy overture 

Playing through the two speakers on my ears

Now

What is only here yet infinite

A neverending steam

That’s been going on far longer than our existence

Now 

A baby is being born

A man is murdered

A couple is having sex

A father and son watch a movie

A mother cooks dinner

I only hope that the moment can seize me

That I get sucked into the stream

Only to flow along with it,

Through the crooks and crannies

Rushing down the falls and wading the mellow

That I’m in 

Rather than out, being a bystander

Thing is, it’s always flowing

It’s a matter of life and death

Whether I want to consciously go in

And be

Like water

Adapting and shifting to match the world

It seems that in my desire to avoid form

I’ve created such form

But I strive to be whirled into the stream

To lose all discernible form

And merge with the liquid

As it rushes on

Into eternity

Zplam

Back into my two eyes all the focus goes

As I observe this world around me

I want to feel

Experience

And to live

Now

Writing, bending the waves as formless shapes

My tiredness is a drug in itself

Lowering my inhibition yet numbing me

Bringing about a feeling inside me, or lack of 

Throughout the day I’ve been dictated by external influences

It’s take for my internal to become the superhero of this story 

In a world full of superheroes

Superheroes are villains

Naanannananananananana

Tiredness weighing me down

I’m drowsy, flickering between consciousness

Between the world and nothingness

Each yawn is like energy leaving my body

I need to rejuvenate that

Energy is almost necessary

I’m desperate

Legs weak, arms heavy

Situations running in the film of my mind

Like a scene I’m watching on play

Light showing amidst the surrounding darkness