I often find myself creating up elaborate caveats

But then so I come upon the question

Why not live beautifully until the end?

As said by the white-haired guy Gintoki himself

And so I strive to create a beautiful piece of art

With my actions being the paintbrush

Creating elaborate strokes of color on the canvas of life

Energy is what drives me

While it’s part mentality

The recharge comes from every night

In my slumbers the elves slowly refill the gases

But it takes time

So now I seek to place importance on this pitstop

Keep on groovin’

Keep on grindin’

It’s really not too much 

To ask of myself

And so time passes

Each second accompanied by the typing on these keys

However overall muted by Michael Jackson

Singing “you’re a vegetable”

Time is the only caveat on my life

So so I continue

To use up this life force until I can’t

Doing

Rather than basking in a perpetual state

Of darkness, scared of the light

Scared of myself

Scared of something

To write or not to write

To exist or to not exist

To live or not to live

That is the question

Realization of the futility of things,

And Mortality it seems,

Have been my catalyst in my progression

To act is to live

And to escape the hell of doing nothing, being nothing

Although we are created nothing,

Something can be created from nothing

My creed is to not erase

Self doubt reigns as I write this

And so henceforth I charge

Into the depths of this white madness

Creating something in this white blank storm

No going back I say

But I look back and I can’t see anything ahead of me

Time is ticking as specks of snow rapidly swirl around me
And I grasp any thing of form

But all I feel is air

Perhaps it’s not external

It’s internal

Where can I find myself

What will be my light to illuminate the darkness

Is it ironic that I myself am the light

Or that I am the only key fitting the lock

And when I open the door what will I find

Something of imaginable proportions of darkness, a monster

Or perhaps light

But I think what’s real

Is simply what I see with my two eyes

How it is, with its flaws and virtues

That’s me

Any way the wind blows

Nothing really matters to me

Henceforth

I’m living life through my two eyes, like a first person adventure game

Modern skyrim essentially

And to keep leveling up through the journey 

10/10 baby

A droopiness reigns on my eyelids

As I finally start writing this

It’s post eating a warm meal

And this laziness is always the affliction that arises

Within me remains

The regret of not acting truly to my desires

Not shooting my shot

Alas I’ve realized

That I ought to find myself

And be strong in it

Zaserazzzzz

Blank mind, blank heart

What legacy have i left

Influence sweeping from player to player

Generation to generation

My only hope, that I left it better than I found it

Water polo a sport I love

Desire to sleep slowly consumes me

Threatens my attention

I slip every so slowly into the dream state

Now

What a concept

Now as I type out this poem on this black keyboard

The click clack barely audible through the mario galaxy overture 

Playing through the two speakers on my ears

Now

What is only here yet infinite

A neverending steam

That’s been going on far longer than our existence

Now 

A baby is being born

A man is murdered

A couple is having sex

A father and son watch a movie

A mother cooks dinner

I only hope that the moment can seize me

That I get sucked into the stream

Only to flow along with it,

Through the crooks and crannies

Rushing down the falls and wading the mellow

That I’m in 

Rather than out, being a bystander

Thing is, it’s always flowing

It’s a matter of life and death

Whether I want to consciously go in

And be

Like water

Adapting and shifting to match the world

It seems that in my desire to avoid form

I’ve created such form

But I strive to be whirled into the stream

To lose all discernible form

And merge with the liquid

As it rushes on

Into eternity

Zplam

Back into my two eyes all the focus goes

As I observe this world around me

I want to feel

Experience

And to live

Now

Writing, bending the waves as formless shapes

My tiredness is a drug in itself

Lowering my inhibition yet numbing me

Bringing about a feeling inside me, or lack of 

Throughout the day I’ve been dictated by external influences

It’s take for my internal to become the superhero of this story 

In a world full of superheroes

Superheroes are villains

Naanannananananananana

Tiredness weighing me down

I’m drowsy, flickering between consciousness

Between the world and nothingness

Each yawn is like energy leaving my body

I need to rejuvenate that

Energy is almost necessary

I’m desperate

Legs weak, arms heavy

Situations running in the film of my mind

Like a scene I’m watching on play

Light showing amidst the surrounding darkness

When did I stop being a kid

Only focusing on the moment 

Not caring about what others though

Being myself truly without any inhibition

Now I’m bringing out that part of me

No fucks are given to those masters of fucks

Now I stroll along, tongue out and head shaking

To a good ass song

Singing a tune only summed up by yew

My head is a powerful thing

But also my greatest enemy

When did I start restraining my voice

Bottling up my emotions to become some

Mr. Robot Man

Piano melodies reverberate back and forth

Between the walls of my Head

As I discover a new grace 

That’s really been here all along

To play throughout the journey of life

Is a great gift I’m taking

I think it was middle school

Where I carved my own desires and interests

Closed myself off and got caught

Up in the pleasure and dopamine

In that lost myself

When I become aware of the eyes around me

And valued how others valued me more than I valued myself

Who would’ve thought, this discovery would come now

What a time to be alive isn’t it

All these things to lose oneself

Supposedly to propagate happiness

But only making it into a commodity

Into an item to be purchased or bought

No
I go back to my roots

And there I found

The reality of the innocent

15 seconds left, What mark can I make, who knows, maybe it’s not about the mark, I make my mark in the making of it

My inhibition is inhibited

As I write all that comes to mind

No going back, no doubt

Transferring it from mouth to paper

Time is ticking

I gotta make to make it count

Pour whatever’s there out

Problem is

I have nothing to write except the blankness itself

Perhaps 4:26 isn’t when myself emerges

At night is when the magic happens

All of it is too bright right now, I can’t see clearly

General acceptance is where it’s at

A foggy tiredness clouds my mind

General ambivalence to to my life right now

Hooked on what I don’t have

Seeking an artificial high perhaps

That’s also on my mind

I got the lace

Not on the face

Throughout the tank comes the wraith

I’m that’s why

Where is the energy?

The light is within but where

Seems I need to embark on a quest

To find that amidst the darkness

As I grow up I realize the reality of life

It’s not all perfect and wholesome as I’ve though

No santa doesn’t exist

Seems I’m realizing 

How prevalent drugs and sex are

There everywhere

Behind the fabric of society

And they’re tempting me

But is it that society that teaches these things are evil

But perhaps it has to do with my morality

What is right and wrong

I’m working on making myself a 10

How can I want in others what I am not myself

And being a 10 is more than being attractive

Perhaps it’s my lack of motivation right now

From being saturated with quick pleasures

Or the mere idea of it being a lazy sunday

My eyes droopy as I quickly type this out

Napping in the sun is a revitalizing experience

Surrounded by sounds of ambience

The drawback is the sharp sun

Penetrating the softness and comfort of my bare skin

Warming it up to unfavorable heats

This piece’s going for an extra minute

I’m not trying to make it look pretty

Just to get the thoughts out

Coloring this canvas

Riding the waves to the 

Bum bum bam bum bum bum bam

Piano echoing, beat slapping

Disgust showing on my face 

Due to the foulness of this song

And by that foulness

Like the stinkiness of blue cheese

It’s good

“Don’t Come Out the House” – 21 Savage

The new trend for only me

Is self discovery

Finding the light amidst the smoke

Like a wise guy says

“They can’t fuck with the light”

Loving myself for my tendencies

And finding the good breaking them

What feels good maintains

I ain’t no word warrior

More like a guy rocket launcher

Blasting these words straight into your face

This girl’s been on my mind

Upon regaining consciousness, she’s the first thing

Among others

But to express that is the difficulty

And to take a chance on something

If anything, my mind is my greatest enemy

Self-doubt and fixation on everything besides NOW

Consume my being bit by bit

And always, the monkey monkeys around

Ohh ee oh ahhh!!!!

Pulling me to whatever is there

My inner being is conflicted

My morals upright but unwilling to love myself
Perhaps only a phase passing through

But really rooted in the deep

All that exists is now

My mind analyzing what happened 10 minutes ago

Or what happened earlier in the day

In this galaxy with all the cosmos and magical forces

All compounds into my being here