When did I stop being a kid

Only focusing on the moment 

Not caring about what others though

Being myself truly without any inhibition

Now I’m bringing out that part of me

No fucks are given to those masters of fucks

Now I stroll along, tongue out and head shaking

To a good ass song

Singing a tune only summed up by yew

My head is a powerful thing

But also my greatest enemy

When did I start restraining my voice

Bottling up my emotions to become some

Mr. Robot Man

Piano melodies reverberate back and forth

Between the walls of my Head

As I discover a new grace 

That’s really been here all along

To play throughout the journey of life

Is a great gift I’m taking

I think it was middle school

Where I carved my own desires and interests

Closed myself off and got caught

Up in the pleasure and dopamine

In that lost myself

When I become aware of the eyes around me

And valued how others valued me more than I valued myself

Who would’ve thought, this discovery would come now

What a time to be alive isn’t it

All these things to lose oneself

Supposedly to propagate happiness

But only making it into a commodity

Into an item to be purchased or bought

No
I go back to my roots

And there I found

The reality of the innocent

15 seconds left, What mark can I make, who knows, maybe it’s not about the mark, I make my mark in the making of it

My inhibition is inhibited

As I write all that comes to mind

No going back, no doubt

Transferring it from mouth to paper

Time is ticking

I gotta make to make it count

Pour whatever’s there out

Problem is

I have nothing to write except the blankness itself

Perhaps 4:26 isn’t when myself emerges

At night is when the magic happens

All of it is too bright right now, I can’t see clearly

General acceptance is where it’s at

A foggy tiredness clouds my mind

General ambivalence to to my life right now

Hooked on what I don’t have

Seeking an artificial high perhaps

That’s also on my mind

I got the lace

Not on the face

Throughout the tank comes the wraith

I’m that’s why

Where is the energy?

The light is within but where

Seems I need to embark on a quest

To find that amidst the darkness

As I grow up I realize the reality of life

It’s not all perfect and wholesome as I’ve though

No santa doesn’t exist

Seems I’m realizing 

How prevalent drugs and sex are

There everywhere

Behind the fabric of society

And they’re tempting me

But is it that society that teaches these things are evil

But perhaps it has to do with my morality

What is right and wrong

I’m working on making myself a 10

How can I want in others what I am not myself

And being a 10 is more than being attractive

Perhaps it’s my lack of motivation right now

From being saturated with quick pleasures

Or the mere idea of it being a lazy sunday

My eyes droopy as I quickly type this out

Napping in the sun is a revitalizing experience

Surrounded by sounds of ambience

The drawback is the sharp sun

Penetrating the softness and comfort of my bare skin

Warming it up to unfavorable heats

This piece’s going for an extra minute

I’m not trying to make it look pretty

Just to get the thoughts out

Coloring this canvas

Riding the waves to the 

Bum bum bam bum bum bum bam

Piano echoing, beat slapping

Disgust showing on my face 

Due to the foulness of this song

And by that foulness

Like the stinkiness of blue cheese

It’s good

“Don’t Come Out the House” – 21 Savage

The new trend for only me

Is self discovery

Finding the light amidst the smoke

Like a wise guy says

“They can’t fuck with the light”

Loving myself for my tendencies

And finding the good breaking them

What feels good maintains

I ain’t no word warrior

More like a guy rocket launcher

Blasting these words straight into your face

This girl’s been on my mind

Upon regaining consciousness, she’s the first thing

Among others

But to express that is the difficulty

And to take a chance on something

If anything, my mind is my greatest enemy

Self-doubt and fixation on everything besides NOW

Consume my being bit by bit

And always, the monkey monkeys around

Ohh ee oh ahhh!!!!

Pulling me to whatever is there

My inner being is conflicted

My morals upright but unwilling to love myself
Perhaps only a phase passing through

But really rooted in the deep

All that exists is now

My mind analyzing what happened 10 minutes ago

Or what happened earlier in the day

In this galaxy with all the cosmos and magical forces

All compounds into my being here

And so it commences, the overture of this poem

What sets the boundary between poetry and writing?

Is poetry beautiful, or ugly?

Or simply poetic as the sun rises?

Poetry is far more than a structure built in a correct way

flowing, free, amorphous,

it is life within the gigantic cosmos

It’s about time I’ve departed from this world

Henceforth I’m gone on a thinking spree

To cure the bleak haze that clouds my brain

Into the unknown realm I venture

Populated by the unlimited varieties of life

Too often I catch myself living in a world spurred from imagination

Dwelling in my mind’s own creations

My being drinking a cold one on a beach of another planet

And as such I fail to acknowledge where I am

Now

Writing this is like an anchor

Holding me here, 

Only tempting another gust of creativity to carry me away

In these lazy dog days of summer

This young puppy is even more active than ever

He is energetic and restless

Panting and grinning stupidly

Constantly searching for dopamine rushes

That will bring immediate surges of pleasure

And make him hop in circles

After which he again embarks on the hunt

For more and more satisfaction

Continually continuing

It’s tough containing him

As he pulls and pulls on his leash

Every moment he threatens to break free

Seeking randomness and whatno-

Oh look at that youtube video

Summer nights are beautiful and almost magical

Around is a theater of the endless night sky

With the galaxy’s stars speckled across the sky

Shining clear and true in isolation from mankind

In the air lies a mellow tranquility

As the coolness from the heat of the day is a solace for all life

Furthermore, there is a refreshing quiet accompanying the darkness

In the background track a cricket chirps

With the sounds of life here and there sounding

Giant trees loom above

Serving to protect me like the walls of a fortress

As I lounge in this half broken, dusty lawn chair

I am on my island, my solitude from the worries of the world

Where I drift away

On a trip across the lands

Venturing into the great unknown

To a place powered by the raw turbulence of mother nature

Where life’s mausoleum has much to offer

Filled with projections of energy

Pure and untampered by

The touch of mankind

Between my two ears is a station

For trains of thought

Coming and going throughout the day

Some stay longer than others

Some come on a recurring basis

Most are random

These aren’t your normal trains, huffing and puffing

They are silent yet imbued with life

Glowing with all types of colors

In the station they reside, inviting exploration

Then in the dead of night, they depart

Fading, only to later return from oblivion

And so the station is unmoving, yet ever changing

Growing as these trains are housed

 

I can only hope for one of unfathomable proportions

With trains everywhere whizzing back and forth

In flashes of color

And in their brilliance

Forming a great rainbow station